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how to survive a horror movie February 13, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, death, freddy krueger, horror, michael myers, movies.
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for horror buffs, half the fun of horror movies are watching people make the most idiotic mistakes when it comes to escaping their doomed fates — WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE AND INVESTIGATE THE NOISE OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BITCH, is a common perception of the situation. but, really, that’s part of why they’re entertaining. if the characters were too smart, they’d stop getting into trouble.

well, and if horror has taught me anything, it’s that sex outside of marriage = death. if you’re still not confident about Michael Myers avoidance skills, however, there’s actually a guide that outlines what not to do in a variety of horror-centric situations.

some favorites:

When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

Do not take *anything* from the dead.

If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.

When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!

If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He’ll just pop through and kill you.

Always remember — SEX=DEATH!

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