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jesus is a hardcore guy January 31, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, jesus, religion, superman.
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have a baby, wake up with no arms and legs January 31, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in amputation, horror, medical, weird, wtf.
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can you picture a better scenario than this? you go into the hospital to give birth to your first child, you’re knocked out for surgery due to complications, and when you wake up: YOU HAVE NO ARMS OR LEGS. and, even better, the hospital says you have to sue them in order to find out what hapened while you were knocked out.

HOW THE HELL DOES THIS HAPPEN? (thanks, Digg, WFTV9)

“Claudia Mejia gave birth eight and a half months ago at Orlando Regional South Seminole. She was transported to Orlando Regional Medical Center in Orlando where her arms and legs were amputated. She was told she had streptococcus, a flesh eating bacteria, and toxic shock syndrome, but no further explanation was given.

The hospital, in a letter, wrote that if she wanted to find out exactly what happened, she would have to sue them. The hospital’s lawyers wrote back, “Ms. Mejia’s request may require legal resolution.” In other words, according to their interpretation of the law, Mejia has to sue them to get information about herself. “

futurama is back, baby! January 30, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, cartoons, futurama, humor, simpsons.
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screw The Simpsons and Family Guy — the best animated show that used to be on TV and has tragically been relegated to the DVD space and a terrible videogame spin-off is Futurama. but, thankfully, the series is about to come back, thanks to Fox’s renewed interest in the series, which turned into four straight-to-DVD movies, which turned into Comedy Central picking up the series for new episodes (thanks If It’s Movies), which turned into translating these new movies into an all-new season. HELL GOD DAMN MOTHER F’ING YES.

“I was frustrated when it got cancelled, but Fox, 20th Television is the one who came back and said, ‘Would you like to do a DVD movie?’” Groening recalled. We said, ‘Let’s do two’ and they said, ‘Well, why not three?’ and we said, ‘Well, why not four?’ and they said, ‘Okay, four’ and then that’s it.” — series creator Matt Groening

i’d alread known this was happening, but I had to relay it once again — best news of 2007, even if we might not even see any of the new content, um, during 2007.

no matter how desperate, don’t f*ck a melon January 30, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, crotches, lolz, melons, penis, sex, weird, wtf.
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…that would, unfortunately, not be the case for the poster of a certain message board — you know, the same one i’ve culled from before, due to its consistent ability to provide unending entertainment at the expense of other’s lives. is that sad? rather, is it sadder for me or them? anyway, here’s the deal: someone decided to start a thread with sex and relationship advice, one poster suggested they drill a hole in a melon and, uh, have relations with it…

“Ok i’ve had the melons since yesterday. Cost me about $5 for two of them. Now how do i carve the hole? I don’t want to make it too big.”

“oh yeah another thing i heated it up 2 minutes already and the inside is still hard. well it’s finally hot, but still hard. look’s like the melon’s not up for anything tonight. lol.gif”

and the money shot…

“i tried and the melon didn’t do it for me much down there. felt too hard. didn’t feel close enough to the real thing. oh yeah and aftermath picture.”

no, literally. look. he took pictures of it.

 

gives new meaning to the term ‘fruit fucker,’ huh?

transformers, more than meets the…shoe January 24, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in movies, nostalgia, transformers, wtf.
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um, i’m all for ridiculous licensed products, but this one might take the cake: NIKE shoes that actually transform — can someone explain how these stay together when you’re walking? it’d be awful uncomfortable to have these bastards come apart when you’re trying to make it to class, but at $30.00, they’re an awful inviting on a g33k sort of scale:

movie watch: DEAD SILENCE January 24, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in dolls, humor, movies.
7 comments

Dead Silence
Director: James Wan (Saw)
Release: March 23, 2007

Saw was terribly overrated but strikingly original. while i haven’t seen Saw II, i intend on seeing it so that ms. tetris and myself can indulge in the third — outside of the acting and sometimes MTV-ish cinematography, Saw worked. but, really, i’m more interested in what the writer-director from the original, james wan, has cooked up with Dead Silence.

you can jump straight to the trailer or check out the following synopsis:

“Newlyweds Jamie (Ryan Kwanten) and Lisa Ashen have established a new life for themselves far from their hometown of Ravens Fair—a sleepy, near-forgotten blip on the map haunted by late-night whispers and ghost stories from generations past. But when his wife is gruesomely murdered, Jamie reluctantly returns to Ravens Fair for the funeral, intent on unraveling the mystery surrounding her death. Once back under his family’s roof, reunited with his ill father (Bob Gunton) and his father’s new young bride (Amber Valletta), Jamie begins to explore the creepy town and encounters the legend of Mary Shaw, a famous murdered ventriloquist whose presence still casts a pall over Ravens Fair. Himself the lead suspect in his wife’s murder, Jamie is forced to dig deep into the town’s bloody past for answers, where he soon uncovers the truth behind the curse that ended Lisa’s life…and threatens to take his as well.”

love your penis? enjoy raping mannequins? January 18, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, doctor, mannequin, penis, sex.
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then today’s fucked up stories of the day are for you, good sir (or m’am).

“Man with mannequin fetish could face life in prison”

“A Detroit man with a record of breaking store windows to satisfy a fetish for female mannequins faces up to life in prison if convicted on the latest charge against him.

Dotson’s criminal history includes at least six breaking and entering convictions involving female mannequins over the past 13 years and stints in state prison.

Dotson was first convicted in Ferndale for breaking a store window in pursuit of female mannequins in 1993. Police say they arrested him after he had stolen three female mannequins from a downtown business and lined them up in an alley behind the store.”

Row over angry, penis-removing doctor

“Doctors’ unions in Romania have criticised a decision to make a surgeon pay £100,000 in damages after he lost his temper and hacked off a patient’s penis during surgery.

Grabbing a scalpel, he sliced off the penis in front of shocked nursing staff, and then placed it on the operating table where he chopped it into small pieces before storming out of the operating theatre at Bucharest hospital.

The medical costs will be paid by the hospital’s insurer, but doctors’ unions have criticised the decision that the money for the damages has to be paid by the doctor.

They say the move sets a dangerous precedent and that Professor Ciomu, a urologist and lecturer in anatomy, has already been punished enough after having his medical licence suspended.

They said he had been under stress and had lost his temper after he accidentally cut the man’s urinary channel and ‘overreacted’ to the situation. He told the court it was a temporary loss of judgement due to personal problems.

Because obviously, the last thing you want is a doctor thinking carefully about the work they’re doing.”

truly, we live in a fantastic world. i wonder if the guy in the mannequin story was turned on while watching silent hill?

the start of a new (but last) semester January 16, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in addiction, beer, comic, humor, lolz.
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we all know what that means.

guitar solo in middle-earth January 11, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in awesome, guitars, lord of the rings, music.
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how can you not love this?

thongs vs. boy shorts January 9, 2007

Posted by patrick.klepek in porn, sex, thongs, women.
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FIGHT!

thongs?

 

boy shorts?

the winner: boy shorts. why? i said so. personally, i don’t care what you think.