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rubix cube mindfuck December 19, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in michel gondry, rubix cube, Uncategorized, weird.
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i’ve watched someone solve a rubix cube without breaking a sweat, but as with the entire concept of numbers in general, they aren’t for me. figuring out the mathetmatical toys with your hands is hard enough, but what about frustratingly using your feet? director michel gondry (i really need to see his last film, the science of sleep) decided to do exactly that:

(for some reason youtube own’t let me embed it)

as it turns out, the video’s fake — he starts with a completed rubix cube, screws around with it using his feet and then plays the video backwards. clever, though. can’t believe no one’s thought of that before. you know, like me. dammit.

i’m a gamblin’ man December 19, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in blackjack, cell phone, christmas.
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and my trade is blackjack. and by blackjack i mean the new phone from cingular, which, if everything goes according to plan, will be my new method of communication a week from now — some call it “christmas,” if my street sources haven’t been laying down too much pipe lately. that could be a really bad mario bros. metaphor, but i’m not that clever. or stupid.

i kind of desperately need a phone that has some functional internet capablities when i’m not around a computer. writing for 1UP would be easier to manage if i could assign articles and have a basic idea of what’s happening in the ‘net world while blisfully not paying attention in class, so something like the blackjack, which may as well be a psuedo-blackberry because it has many of the functionalities without the high price, fits my needs well.

oh, i just give up December 16, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in depression, finals, school, sleep.
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i have one last final that i attempted to study for until about 3am last night, but i’d truly given up on the studying part around 1am. i did my best. i couldn’t concerate. it’s political science, and i do not give a shit about the material, it’s a mentally destructive essay exam and i’m so exhausted from doing nothing but staying inside and working all week.

in other words:

vaginas are the worst December 14, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in horror, movies, porn, vagina, women.
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mmm…what’s that tingly feeling?

…when they have TEETH, which is both the title and subject matter for what can only be descibed as one of the most promising horror movies in recent memory, even if it ends up total crap. then again, it did get accepted for viewing at the prestigous sundance film festival, so i’m curiously hopeful.

“High school student Dawn works hard at suppressing her budding sexuality by being the local chastity group’s most active participant. Her task is made even more difficult by her bad boy stepbrother Brad’s increasingly provocative behavior at home. A stranger to her own body, innocent Dawn discovers she has a toothed vagina when she becomes the object of violence. As she struggles to comprehend her anatomical uniqueness, Dawn experiences both the pitfalls and the power of being a living example of the vagina dentata myth.”

definitely a really good first-date movie, don’t you think?

be still my half-beating heart December 13, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in finals, food, homosexuality, sleep, soy, Uncategorized.
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oh, i’m alive. finals week has been bearing down on me like a bad analogy i’m not going to force into this blog post, but needlesss to say i’m going to be trashed out of my mind on saturday night to forget all the hours of work i’ve been putting in since monday. i actually managed to finish my design project in 24 hours — even though it’s not due until friday night, it needed to be done so i could start on a 12-page paper due in political science.

anyway — what’ s new? oh, well, apparently consuming soy causes homosexuality. um, obviously. someone tell the democrats they should’ve been on the ball about this.

“Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.”

soy sucks to begin with, so just another reason to tell healthy food to suck it.

santa kruger came to town December 13, 2006

Posted by mrstetris in Uncategorized.
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pk and i attended a christmas party this past weekend, in which kruger decided to engage in homoerotic activities to creep out dudes and piss them off. the party contained a couple of douchebags. overall, we had our fun.

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memorable moment: when thriller came on and this guy desperately wanted to form a dance group, a nasty slut came up to his and started grinding like it was techno crap. pk pushed her out of the way to assist the guy, who ended up dancing to thriller mainly by himself. sad.

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happy holidays from santa kruger!

life, liberty and the pursuit of porn December 7, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in ninjas, porn, prison.
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no man (or woman, for that matter, but that’s another social issue entirely) should be denied their access to excessive amounts of pornography at the click of an on-demand button — provided, of course, they’re over 18…or your sister’s doing her algebra homework and mom’s caught up in the latest dan brown novel. either way, comcast blocking their own on-demand service for residents in South Holland, Illinois (the first problem is the town’s damn name) is rather saddening. where else are people going to pay $11.99 for hardcore pornography that deletes when it’s finished and/or sensual softcore action like bevery hills bordello? for shame.

as if that wasn’t enough, a poor oklahoma judge just trying to get a little on-on-one action with himself during a hearing via an all-too-innocent quote unquote “penis pump,” apparently isn’t being allowed to wield a gavel any longer.

“He’s lost everything,” Nigh said. “He’s lost his profession. He’s lost the ability to be a lawyer. He’s lost the ability to ever be a judge,” Nigh said.

poor guy. he is, on the other hand, serving time in an “undisclosed” prison “for his own safety” — from whom, exactly? the innmates who probably already realize who he is?

oh taco hell… December 7, 2006

Posted by mrstetris in e coli, food, mexican, taco bell, Uncategorized.
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i was completely entertained to by this new article:

taco bell ordered scallions removed from its 5,800 u.s. restaurants wednesday after tests suggested they may be responsible for the e. coli outbreak that has sickened at least three dozen people in three states…

.

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hmm…i think i will pass on that new-fangled taco hell breakfast. you know, now that i think about it, the last time i consumed some trashy wannabe mexican tb, i became very ill and felt like vomitting.

all this talk about food make me want a delicious, savory veggie burrito from the god-like palace of chipotle!

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taco bell serving BREAKFAST food?? December 6, 2006

Posted by patrick.klepek in breakfast, food, mexican, poop, taco bell.
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oh man, that’d be one bad ass april fool’s joke. weirdly, it’s actually true.

i have enough trouble stomaching taco bell more than once a month when the idea’s spurred from someone else and their $1 menu manages to get my stomach to forget the last time it ingested taco bell’s rat meat — and to consider they may market themselves as a breakfast establishment is enough to asshole burning already. thing is, i legitimately do like some of their food. just not enough to justify it to my bowels.

72 percent of Taco Bell customers surveyed during the past month said they buy breakfast from a fast-food restaurant.

srsly — who the fuck are you people? in any case, apparently taco bell will be rolling out the breakfast options in a few markets early next year. the hunt begins!

doritos contest December 6, 2006

Posted by mrstetris in food, friends, super bowl.
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apparently, there was a doritos contest, which involved constructing a 30 second nonviolent and/or inoffensive commercial promoting doritos in some clever, original way.

next, they will pick 16 top entries will be announced during playoffs. the final five winning contestants will each receive a $10,000 cash prize to miami for a private super bowl XLI viewing party. america will choose its favorite from the top five and it shall be aired as a real doritos commercial during the super bowl.

why i am rambling about such a contest?
my dear friend madeline decided to enter this contest and try her luck at 15 mintues of fame. i am here to promote such an attempt. she’s cute, vote for her!

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